Anyone who’s been watching the news or has spent more than ten minutes on any social media site knows that right now the east coast is in the midst of an unenviable blizzard. It’s effectively shut down several prominent cities and painted itself all over the news as a result.

This has created quite an issue for a great many people, and I, as a simple man, have come up with a fun, simple, and highly impractical solution:

Send it to the Midwest!

Although I say this at some small risk to myself, considering the slightest mention of a snow storm in the wrong crowd could incite a panic, I’m willing to take that risk…if only because I have a little known condition known as Snow Addiction Disorder (SAD).

It’s a very rare affliction in which a person born in the depths of a snowy winter, such as myself, finds themselves in need of at least two or three solid snowfalls a year or else they risk an annoying state of dysphoria until the beginning of Spring.

So, one good snowfall can be the difference between a blissful winter season for me and months of drudgery. It sucks, but most years, living in the grand old city of St. Louis, I get by. For example, this was last year at the Botanical Gardens:

This year, by contrast, has seen me digging out my fall jacket and, at one point, actually standing in my backyard in a pair of short, COMFORTABLY.

It’s not right, I tells yah, not right at all.

So, denizens of the east coast, although I genuinely wish you all the safety and warmth in the world, I also ask, if you are able and so inclined, to air mail any unwanted snow to the Greater St. Louis Area, and know that you are making one humble writer extraordinarily happy.

Thank you, and enjoy your Saturday everyone.